Melissa, I have followed your writing and social media posts for about a year, right after I had mg daughter. I am drinking them up as such a balm against the Christian parenting literature my parents and many of my friends subscribe to. With degrees in childhood education and learning + development, I was firmly against spanking and corporal punishment already, but was missing Biblical teaching about it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you put out and are continuing to work on. I firmly believe this work is the tip of a wave of upcoming Christian parents choosing to reject Dobson etc for the truth of Jesus. I want to be along for the ride and contribute where I can!
You are so very welcome. It means so much to me to know that my work has been a help to you. 🥹❤ I am right there with you that we are just on the front end of this long-overdue conversation—I really believe this generation of parents will shift the tide on this.
The damage done me from spanking is evident in the fact that I could barely skim this article without feeling it all come up in my body again, but I did want to say thank you for writing about this. I'm a mom of 2 little girls and it is such a joy to see them thrive and learn and grow without the fear and confusion I felt so much of the time as a child. If anyone reading this could benefit from a parenting book that is firmly biblical and actually advocates for treating children as human beings and images of God, The Flourishing Family has been a great resource for me.
I'm so very sorry, Hallie. How I wish little you hadn't had to endure that or the aftereffects! I'm so thankful you've found an alternate way forward with your daughters - such difficult and worthwhile work to break these cycles.
And YES! So appreciate the Erickson's work! We had a lovely IG conversation with them when the book came out, and I am thankful they've written a solid resource to direct parents to!
Happy to read this. As a child I was spanked calmly but very hard, always scheduled after dinner, by my father. It deeply damaged me and my relationship with him. Overall, I completely agree with this perspective. And it damages sensitive kids the most, the ones whose gifts and hearts we most need in this world!
I'm so sorry, Amber. ❤️🩹 I wish little you had not had to endure that or the exponential effects. And YES! The impact it has on children can be as varied as each unique individual, and I think it's so important to listen to adults like yourself warning us how much this hurt.
Dobson got so many things wrong but he had such a kindly voice and demeanor that it was easy to give him a listen. Until the mid-nineties when we realized how manipulative he was and wondered why he was trying to control people’s thinking. So, plenty to be wary of, but the spanking thing was in full publication and promotion by the late 70’s when we became parents. It was one more bad, creepy thing he amplified with his own twists.
Whew. YES. His kindly demeanor plus when it suited he'd pull on his credentials or site hand-selected research which all gave an appearance of credibility and trustworthiness.
I remember the terror of spankings, and I planned on spanking my son differently: it wasn't possible. I grieve over the early years of spanking him, yet all I can do is keep moving forward. A logical, instant consequence does not automatically mean physical punishment; every child has a unique method of communication, which can be exhausting as parents, but also nullifies the spanking argument. There is no "one size fits all" discipline method, no matter how hard you try. It takes tremendous grace, and discernment from the Holy Spirit, to know how to discipline children so that they thrive, rather than teaching them how to lead double lives. Spanking does not address the root of a sin, and validates temporary changes, inflicting repressed trauma and/or effectively hiding abusive tendencies. As I am not a procrastinator, nor is my son, waiting to enforce a disciple is ....trying. But he's a teenager, and his brain is busy trying to keep his stomach full, so heat of the moment decisions only exacerbate EVERYTHING. The best parenting advice I ever read was to engage with your child in creating a plan that gives them ownership in the consequences, plus already having them in place; that way you're not scrambling to find a different way every time of convincing your teen that losing a battle royale is the end of their existence.
Yes to all of this! The ability to see an individual child, be open to trying new things, and not stuck in power battles - all so important. Thankful you found a different way forward!
Melissa, I have followed your writing and social media posts for about a year, right after I had mg daughter. I am drinking them up as such a balm against the Christian parenting literature my parents and many of my friends subscribe to. With degrees in childhood education and learning + development, I was firmly against spanking and corporal punishment already, but was missing Biblical teaching about it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you put out and are continuing to work on. I firmly believe this work is the tip of a wave of upcoming Christian parents choosing to reject Dobson etc for the truth of Jesus. I want to be along for the ride and contribute where I can!
You are so very welcome. It means so much to me to know that my work has been a help to you. 🥹❤ I am right there with you that we are just on the front end of this long-overdue conversation—I really believe this generation of parents will shift the tide on this.
And congratulations on your baby girl!
The damage done me from spanking is evident in the fact that I could barely skim this article without feeling it all come up in my body again, but I did want to say thank you for writing about this. I'm a mom of 2 little girls and it is such a joy to see them thrive and learn and grow without the fear and confusion I felt so much of the time as a child. If anyone reading this could benefit from a parenting book that is firmly biblical and actually advocates for treating children as human beings and images of God, The Flourishing Family has been a great resource for me.
I'm so very sorry, Hallie. How I wish little you hadn't had to endure that or the aftereffects! I'm so thankful you've found an alternate way forward with your daughters - such difficult and worthwhile work to break these cycles.
And YES! So appreciate the Erickson's work! We had a lovely IG conversation with them when the book came out, and I am thankful they've written a solid resource to direct parents to!
Happy to read this. As a child I was spanked calmly but very hard, always scheduled after dinner, by my father. It deeply damaged me and my relationship with him. Overall, I completely agree with this perspective. And it damages sensitive kids the most, the ones whose gifts and hearts we most need in this world!
I'm so sorry, Amber. ❤️🩹 I wish little you had not had to endure that or the exponential effects. And YES! The impact it has on children can be as varied as each unique individual, and I think it's so important to listen to adults like yourself warning us how much this hurt.
❤️❤️
Dobson got so many things wrong but he had such a kindly voice and demeanor that it was easy to give him a listen. Until the mid-nineties when we realized how manipulative he was and wondered why he was trying to control people’s thinking. So, plenty to be wary of, but the spanking thing was in full publication and promotion by the late 70’s when we became parents. It was one more bad, creepy thing he amplified with his own twists.
Whew. YES. His kindly demeanor plus when it suited he'd pull on his credentials or site hand-selected research which all gave an appearance of credibility and trustworthiness.
This is a perfect description of him!
I remember the terror of spankings, and I planned on spanking my son differently: it wasn't possible. I grieve over the early years of spanking him, yet all I can do is keep moving forward. A logical, instant consequence does not automatically mean physical punishment; every child has a unique method of communication, which can be exhausting as parents, but also nullifies the spanking argument. There is no "one size fits all" discipline method, no matter how hard you try. It takes tremendous grace, and discernment from the Holy Spirit, to know how to discipline children so that they thrive, rather than teaching them how to lead double lives. Spanking does not address the root of a sin, and validates temporary changes, inflicting repressed trauma and/or effectively hiding abusive tendencies. As I am not a procrastinator, nor is my son, waiting to enforce a disciple is ....trying. But he's a teenager, and his brain is busy trying to keep his stomach full, so heat of the moment decisions only exacerbate EVERYTHING. The best parenting advice I ever read was to engage with your child in creating a plan that gives them ownership in the consequences, plus already having them in place; that way you're not scrambling to find a different way every time of convincing your teen that losing a battle royale is the end of their existence.
Yes to all of this! The ability to see an individual child, be open to trying new things, and not stuck in power battles - all so important. Thankful you found a different way forward!