To this day, more than six and a half decades later, I remember a very 'memorable' experience in first or second grade, a boy i didn't know, was 'made an example of' in front of my whole class. He wasn't a student in our class. We weren't told what he did, or what rule he broke. The principal simply held the boy upright by one arm, and took a wooden paddle, and 'walloped the living daylights out of him'. I remember wondering at the time, 'what could he have possibly done that was SO WRONG as to deserve this'. I believe this scenario was then repeated for the other classes, too (and by the boy's demeanor, our class wasn't the first one he was 'made an example of'. It was a public school, by the way. It didn't really phase me; I was a 'middle child' and the 'appeaser' and knew the consequences of breaking rules-having grown up in a culture that the now notorious Bill Cosby described in one of his famous comedy routines, entitled simply 'THE BELT'... American culture in the fifties already operated on the basis of 'spare the rod, spoil the child' as well as 'children should be SEEN and not HEARD'.
I grew up in a culture that was both strongly authoritarian and patriarchal. Fathers had all served in WWII; been in combat (my dad LOVED to hunt and fish; but never hunted again after his experiences in combat-in fact, never would even consider having a gun in our home, thought he grew up with them and hunted-he turned me on to a love of fishing and the outdoors.
WWII had a very real impact on American culture... the whole country 'came together in a massive unified focus' on SURVIVAL and unified action with other nations, to stop HITLER, and then a whole other nation whose culture was utterly foreign to us, who attacked us without warning...
EVERYONE made sacrifices; resources were needed for wartime use; so there was rationing, and drives to collect recyclable materials; and an NEAR TOTAL, FULL REVERSAL of the patriarchal culture (is the 'Rosie the riveter campaign still taught in american history to modern students; is this war mentioned in any depth?).
MILLIONS of men 'came home' from the war, to a country where ALL THE RESOURCES had been geared toward the war time effort; men who needed 'everything' to resume life-men who'd spent their PRIME YEARS of early adulthood-in combat... for FIVE YEARS...
The focus shifted but the EFFORT geared toward 'survival' CONTINUED; but morphed into the american cultural, 'puritan blessed' slogan that changed the FOCUS of men into putting the SAME INTENSE EFFORT into TWO MAIN AREAS--CREATING the basics needed so that every returning veteran, could 'have the american dream' of a RESTORED LIFE--embodied in strictly MATERIAL terms-effort focussed toward this CONCRETE GOAL of MANUFACTURING what was needed to provide WORK, that would produce a HOME, TRANSPORTATION and RESTORATION OF A FAMILY. And it was idealized into a 'home, a car, two kids, and a picket fence (with a dog thrown in)... This was DESCRIBED to me, as the 'american dream' when I was a child.
And in a PERPLEXING REVERSAL of the EGALITARIAN REALITY of war time footing, that women could do EVERYTHING MEN COULD DO, sometimes even MORE EFFICIENTLY (as I recall HEARING, but I never saw the actual DATA about factory productivity in factories largely staffed by women, during the wartime effort-but it was spoken of so widely, I assume the facts still support it). Women had not been ALLOWED to engage in combat; of course, CHILDREN never were, as well; and it seems obvious at an intuitive level, that men needed to know their FAMILIES or prospective families (a woman who became engaged as part of the reality a man might go to war and never have an opportunity to ask her, so many such engagements likely took place)...
It was under the still 'patriarchal authoritarian leadership' of America, that the war was WON and men were able to return HOME.
So the 'substance' of American culture, had a very solid ground under it-that a 'patriarchal authoritarian' leadership WORKED to bring about SURVIVAL from a war SO HORRIBLE that it has been described as 'the war to END all wars'...
I think that what Fea is saying, has legitimacy in light of what I've just written, though this is not how what he stated, comes across, clearly. I'm a little older; have a perspective that maybe fills in a gap that exists in the 'larger dialogue that is ongoing', that I'm really itently listening to, and trying to engage in the way I have my whole life; listening and trying to ensure I've heard what is being said. And then looking to see 'what else is necessary to understand, to 'see the whole picture' and figure out 'where do we go from here'.
I should have followed a model I've learned to use, that is more effective; of first 'repeating what I've heard' in a way that 'affirms and validates it. So let me do this-by saying simply-my first words might have been to echo Ericka Clay's statement-verbatim-'I truly love how informative and well researched your posts are, Marissa'. (and I echo her second statement, too).
You have a gift with words.
Dobson was an authority speaking in a 'relative vacuum'; many 'evangelical leaders' spoke into a vacuum.
But our culture was one, patriarchal and authoritarian 'to the core'-but we tend to WANT to have SOMEONE to tell us what to DO, in specific terms.
God has given us 'everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Jesus the promised Messiah', as peter reminds us in the introduction to his letter. Peter then goes on to define a 'golden chain', that we are called to walk, applying our faith in a series of what are called 'christian vurtues, that begins with 'add to your faith, knowledge'.
There IS an alternative path for parenting-based on what God's Word teaches.
The role of each of us, is to engage in 'speaking truth in love, according to the need of the moment, for edification.
The family is the first place we learn how to walk with God in love. Our faith community is the next circle of community we learn in; our neighborhood, the next, and then, for many, our school. Through college (or beyond for some of us). Then we begin our 'vocation'-our calling, in the world we live in, called to be 'citizens of heaven'-not as defined by modern 'christian nationalists'; because our citizenship is in HEAVEN, though our 'eternal life' began with 'knowing Jesus' -John 17:3. As 'citizens of heaven' we are but temporary residents, true 'aliens and strangers' called as the nation of Israel was, during its exile, to 'work for the benefit of the nation we live among'; we are called beyond that life of 'blessing others'-to one of being 'ambassadors of reconciliation; given a message of HOPE to the HURTING in our world; and WARNED that there are 'not many wise or powerful' in OUR circles. Which is radically different from the mindset of the children of wartime fathers, I experienced, growing up...
There's a lot of 'christian teaching about the family' that is not at all, following the path of 'knowing Jesus and walking by faith, in love' in how parenting instruction is given.
I remember how highly Dobson was thought about-he was, after all, a pediatrician and a psychologist-so 'who better to KNOW children and what they need' than SUCH an expert-and he was an 'evangelical' in a very 'evangelical' America. And many who now are being shown in a very different light, were the 'evangelical authorities' of those decades.
Shine the light of God's LOVE, fully on this 'fog of darkness' that emeshed a generation. Fog clouds the truth-but it was still there...
Your words have the balance of 'truth and grace' or 'truth spoken in love, for edificaction, according to the need of the moment'. I see that same kind of balance in Kristen DuMez, and in Karen Swallow Prior (who I should say speaks about 'the WAY, the Truth and the Life'-another way to consider the balance of JESUS' teaching!
I know what Dobson taught; his teaching THANKFULLY came too late for me to apply it-but that was 'cultural'; but I had daughters; so the use of the rod was not my central focus. I still remember the first time I held each child-and saw a NEW LIFE, looking at me, knowing God had expanded my heart, giving me a wondrous love for each one. They are still the most precious people in my life; I would have said 'next to my wife'-but we've walked together through so much-I can't describe what it means to have a 'life long companion-who is 'always with me' even when we are apart... my children are precious-valued, amazing in 'who they are' and where there hearts are, in what they engage in, in life.
We weren't by any means, perfect parents; but God worked and His Work is truly a marvel...
Keep writing, in the balanced, carefully researched way you do... with Paul's goal in mind: 'the goal of our instruction is LOVE from a pure heart, a clean conscience and a sincere faith.
William, I'm only just now reading this comment, but thank you for taking the time to write, to share your firsthand experience, and to invite others to reflect on the exhortations of the Scriptures.
I really appreciate the way you've encapsulated so many of the post-war dynamics. Thank you!
This is such a great point. The super-human impossible standards we expect of little children are not how we see God interacting with His children. Reminds me of Jesus' parable of the two sons.
To this day, more than six and a half decades later, I remember a very 'memorable' experience in first or second grade, a boy i didn't know, was 'made an example of' in front of my whole class. He wasn't a student in our class. We weren't told what he did, or what rule he broke. The principal simply held the boy upright by one arm, and took a wooden paddle, and 'walloped the living daylights out of him'. I remember wondering at the time, 'what could he have possibly done that was SO WRONG as to deserve this'. I believe this scenario was then repeated for the other classes, too (and by the boy's demeanor, our class wasn't the first one he was 'made an example of'. It was a public school, by the way. It didn't really phase me; I was a 'middle child' and the 'appeaser' and knew the consequences of breaking rules-having grown up in a culture that the now notorious Bill Cosby described in one of his famous comedy routines, entitled simply 'THE BELT'... American culture in the fifties already operated on the basis of 'spare the rod, spoil the child' as well as 'children should be SEEN and not HEARD'.
I grew up in a culture that was both strongly authoritarian and patriarchal. Fathers had all served in WWII; been in combat (my dad LOVED to hunt and fish; but never hunted again after his experiences in combat-in fact, never would even consider having a gun in our home, thought he grew up with them and hunted-he turned me on to a love of fishing and the outdoors.
WWII had a very real impact on American culture... the whole country 'came together in a massive unified focus' on SURVIVAL and unified action with other nations, to stop HITLER, and then a whole other nation whose culture was utterly foreign to us, who attacked us without warning...
EVERYONE made sacrifices; resources were needed for wartime use; so there was rationing, and drives to collect recyclable materials; and an NEAR TOTAL, FULL REVERSAL of the patriarchal culture (is the 'Rosie the riveter campaign still taught in american history to modern students; is this war mentioned in any depth?).
MILLIONS of men 'came home' from the war, to a country where ALL THE RESOURCES had been geared toward the war time effort; men who needed 'everything' to resume life-men who'd spent their PRIME YEARS of early adulthood-in combat... for FIVE YEARS...
The focus shifted but the EFFORT geared toward 'survival' CONTINUED; but morphed into the american cultural, 'puritan blessed' slogan that changed the FOCUS of men into putting the SAME INTENSE EFFORT into TWO MAIN AREAS--CREATING the basics needed so that every returning veteran, could 'have the american dream' of a RESTORED LIFE--embodied in strictly MATERIAL terms-effort focussed toward this CONCRETE GOAL of MANUFACTURING what was needed to provide WORK, that would produce a HOME, TRANSPORTATION and RESTORATION OF A FAMILY. And it was idealized into a 'home, a car, two kids, and a picket fence (with a dog thrown in)... This was DESCRIBED to me, as the 'american dream' when I was a child.
And in a PERPLEXING REVERSAL of the EGALITARIAN REALITY of war time footing, that women could do EVERYTHING MEN COULD DO, sometimes even MORE EFFICIENTLY (as I recall HEARING, but I never saw the actual DATA about factory productivity in factories largely staffed by women, during the wartime effort-but it was spoken of so widely, I assume the facts still support it). Women had not been ALLOWED to engage in combat; of course, CHILDREN never were, as well; and it seems obvious at an intuitive level, that men needed to know their FAMILIES or prospective families (a woman who became engaged as part of the reality a man might go to war and never have an opportunity to ask her, so many such engagements likely took place)...
It was under the still 'patriarchal authoritarian leadership' of America, that the war was WON and men were able to return HOME.
So the 'substance' of American culture, had a very solid ground under it-that a 'patriarchal authoritarian' leadership WORKED to bring about SURVIVAL from a war SO HORRIBLE that it has been described as 'the war to END all wars'...
I think that what Fea is saying, has legitimacy in light of what I've just written, though this is not how what he stated, comes across, clearly. I'm a little older; have a perspective that maybe fills in a gap that exists in the 'larger dialogue that is ongoing', that I'm really itently listening to, and trying to engage in the way I have my whole life; listening and trying to ensure I've heard what is being said. And then looking to see 'what else is necessary to understand, to 'see the whole picture' and figure out 'where do we go from here'.
I should have followed a model I've learned to use, that is more effective; of first 'repeating what I've heard' in a way that 'affirms and validates it. So let me do this-by saying simply-my first words might have been to echo Ericka Clay's statement-verbatim-'I truly love how informative and well researched your posts are, Marissa'. (and I echo her second statement, too).
You have a gift with words.
Dobson was an authority speaking in a 'relative vacuum'; many 'evangelical leaders' spoke into a vacuum.
But our culture was one, patriarchal and authoritarian 'to the core'-but we tend to WANT to have SOMEONE to tell us what to DO, in specific terms.
God has given us 'everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Jesus the promised Messiah', as peter reminds us in the introduction to his letter. Peter then goes on to define a 'golden chain', that we are called to walk, applying our faith in a series of what are called 'christian vurtues, that begins with 'add to your faith, knowledge'.
There IS an alternative path for parenting-based on what God's Word teaches.
The role of each of us, is to engage in 'speaking truth in love, according to the need of the moment, for edification.
The family is the first place we learn how to walk with God in love. Our faith community is the next circle of community we learn in; our neighborhood, the next, and then, for many, our school. Through college (or beyond for some of us). Then we begin our 'vocation'-our calling, in the world we live in, called to be 'citizens of heaven'-not as defined by modern 'christian nationalists'; because our citizenship is in HEAVEN, though our 'eternal life' began with 'knowing Jesus' -John 17:3. As 'citizens of heaven' we are but temporary residents, true 'aliens and strangers' called as the nation of Israel was, during its exile, to 'work for the benefit of the nation we live among'; we are called beyond that life of 'blessing others'-to one of being 'ambassadors of reconciliation; given a message of HOPE to the HURTING in our world; and WARNED that there are 'not many wise or powerful' in OUR circles. Which is radically different from the mindset of the children of wartime fathers, I experienced, growing up...
There's a lot of 'christian teaching about the family' that is not at all, following the path of 'knowing Jesus and walking by faith, in love' in how parenting instruction is given.
I remember how highly Dobson was thought about-he was, after all, a pediatrician and a psychologist-so 'who better to KNOW children and what they need' than SUCH an expert-and he was an 'evangelical' in a very 'evangelical' America. And many who now are being shown in a very different light, were the 'evangelical authorities' of those decades.
Shine the light of God's LOVE, fully on this 'fog of darkness' that emeshed a generation. Fog clouds the truth-but it was still there...
Your words have the balance of 'truth and grace' or 'truth spoken in love, for edificaction, according to the need of the moment'. I see that same kind of balance in Kristen DuMez, and in Karen Swallow Prior (who I should say speaks about 'the WAY, the Truth and the Life'-another way to consider the balance of JESUS' teaching!
I know what Dobson taught; his teaching THANKFULLY came too late for me to apply it-but that was 'cultural'; but I had daughters; so the use of the rod was not my central focus. I still remember the first time I held each child-and saw a NEW LIFE, looking at me, knowing God had expanded my heart, giving me a wondrous love for each one. They are still the most precious people in my life; I would have said 'next to my wife'-but we've walked together through so much-I can't describe what it means to have a 'life long companion-who is 'always with me' even when we are apart... my children are precious-valued, amazing in 'who they are' and where there hearts are, in what they engage in, in life.
We weren't by any means, perfect parents; but God worked and His Work is truly a marvel...
Keep writing, in the balanced, carefully researched way you do... with Paul's goal in mind: 'the goal of our instruction is LOVE from a pure heart, a clean conscience and a sincere faith.
William, I'm only just now reading this comment, but thank you for taking the time to write, to share your firsthand experience, and to invite others to reflect on the exhortations of the Scriptures.
I really appreciate the way you've encapsulated so many of the post-war dynamics. Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading. And yes! Teaching like this is done in Christ's name only - very far from the way of Jesus.
YES. So much trust.
This is such a great point. The super-human impossible standards we expect of little children are not how we see God interacting with His children. Reminds me of Jesus' parable of the two sons.