Why Christian Parents are Some of the Last Defenders of Corporal Punishment

Part 1 of 3

Part 1 of a three part series making the case against the use of corporal punishment by Christian parents (Part 2 and Part 3).

When I write about how the corporal punishment of children is not biblically mandated, I always get wild replies from parents insisting that Christians *must* spank their children. Proof-texted Proverbs and doctrinal arguments about original sin soon follow. It becomes clear that my arguments threaten more than just preferred parenting methods. Today, I want to round-up several posts that I’ve written across social media this week, beginning with a brief survey of the research that demonstrates the harm of corporal punishment and why Christians often disregard it.

Examining the impact of “spanking” is difficult work. As I’ve attempted to outline in this thread, self-reported data, mitigating and exacerbating factors, and the impossibility of calculating the exponential cost of abuse all contribute to study limitations. But those limitations do not mean we cannot make robust conclusions about the ways corporal punishment harms children.

I like to point interested people to Janet Heimlich’s excellent book Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment, recent studies such as this one that suggests “spanking” has the same impact on a child’s brain as more severe forms of maltreatment, and the decades of research done by Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff who concludes:

Source: What Happens When A Country Bans Spanking, by: Diana Cole, 10/25/18

However, many Christian parents, already primed to suspect external sources of authority—particularly from the field of psychology—do not find this kind of research compelling. The idea that corporal punishment is a “fear-God-not-man” issue is bolstered by Christian parenting experts like Tedd Tripp who tells parents that God command spanking¹:

“You do not have the right to substitute what God has commanded with the popular ideas of the culture. God calls parents to spank their children. As a parent you do not have the right to say, ‘I don’t like God’s idea; I like my idea or the culture’s plan better.’”²

Here and in the video below, I make the case that the it is not exegetically supportable to claim the Bible requires parents to “spank.”

Corporal punishment has been a consistent piece of contemporary popular Christian parenting resources across the decades. In Dobson’s era, corporal punishment was a cultural given, so his inclusion in the early resources is much more of an: of-course-everyone-spanks attitude. A few decades in, as the broader cultural shifted away from this, you have Tripp and others influenced by the nouthetic Christ-vs.-culture framework telling devout parents they *must* spank, because God’s ways are best. In more recent years, popular Christian resources tend to take a cowardly middle-of-the-road neutral stance that leaves it up to families. It never fails to amaze me that people who platform themselves to give all manner of authoritative advice cannot bring themselves to say: Christian Parents, stop hitting your children.

Here’s the thing, and it’s why I spend so much time on this issue. Corporal punishment harms all children, but I think it’s a thousandfold worse when woven in with spiritualized language. The implacable moral certainty of parents who, emboldened by mainstream Christian publications like The Gospel Coalition, believe God wants them to spank and He wants it to hurt *guarantees escalation*.

“But!” many people often attempt to clarify. “There is a difference between spanking and abuse.” I have yet to find someone who can adequately parse that out for me, and there’s a reason why. It’s a subjective determination. Made by the one doing the spanking. Next week I plan to post some threads inviting consideration of what even the “right” way to spank is like for a child and for a parent, and I hope the discomfort of this may inspire change (look for links in Part 2 of this post).

Christian parents who have operated by these principles are uniquely ill-equipped to listen to children, be it their cries when they are young or their claims as adult children. Many people reach out to me with pieces of their stories, and it is no small thing to bear witness to the ways this has shattered relationships, profoundly fragmented people’s understanding of human relationships, love, sexuality, and their own worth in God’s eyes, among other things.

And for what? A few years of enforced compliance? I have yet to see the study that demonstrates the benefit of spanking, where I think the burden of proof should rightly rest. Spanking isn’t particularly effective, and goodness knows we have more alternatives than we know what to do with at our fingertips. When I hear from parents who started out spanking and changed course they almost always did it for one of two reasons: 1. They had a neurodivergent child, and spanking didn’t “work.” 2. They went through some kind of training (foster/adopt/educator) that equipped them with other tools. Even though resources about child development and nonviolent options are readily available, many parents cannot get over the hurdle of believing this is a God’s-way-over-man’s practice.

So let me say once more, Christians: the idea that we hit or punish people into compliance is not the way of Jesus. I’ve written more about that here, and I implore other Christians, particularly pastors and teachers, to speak clearly and directly to this issue. The insidious way these Christian practices are woven with spiritualized language about God shipwrecks peoples’ faith, robs families of attachment, and does incalculable harm.

I have so much compassion for the entire families that were betrayed by this kind of teaching. Whenever I write about this issue I also hear from parents who carry deep regrets. If this is you, please know it is never too late to attempt repair.

And to those reading this who know better than I could ever write what it is like to live this out: I am so very sorry.

***

Part 2: Storytelling scenarios according to Tedd Tripps prescriptions for the “biblical” way to spank.

Part 3: The memes to laugh, cry, and reply to comments (you know the ones) on social media and theories about why it’s so hard for Christian parents to let go of spanking.

1. “The ‘why’ [of spanking] is that God commands it.” Tripp, Shepherding A Child’s Heart, pg. 150

2. Tripp, pg. 153.