An Invitation for Christian Parents to Own Their Choices

And Why It's Long Past Time for Our Community to Definitively Denounce "Spanking"

Imagine my astonishment when—after sifting through more Canon Press parenting content than I care to admit—I found Doug Wilson . . . agreeing with me? "The rod" Proverbs, Doug admits in the below clip, are *not* about "spanking" young children.

Doug's admission is all the more surprising given how foundational corporal punishment is to all the Canon Press approaches: instant compliance, required cheerfulness, cleansing spankings, liturgies of discipline, rooms in the church set aside for corporal punishment, etc.

Pick up any Canon Press parenting book or listen to any of their podcasts or social media posts, and you will come across the community’s commitment to corporally punishing small children. So Doug’s admission here leaves one asking . . . but WHY? Why “spank” if you don’t think the Proverbs require it?

There are probably many reasons, but my goal here is to invite parents still operating by these principles to free themselves up to be done with corporal punishment.

Spanking small children is not and never has been a specifically "Christian" approach.

As I’ve written elsewhere, I do not believe the Bible anywhere requires Christian parents to “spank.” The Proverbs fall into the genre of wisdom literature, a collection of observations about daily life intended to cultivate wisdom in the listener, which originally would have been the young men in the royal household. They are not mandates or commands, and whatever interpretation one takes about “the rod,” we can state with certainty it was not and is not about “spanking” toddlers and preschoolers.

The application that “the rod” = “spanking” can be laid at the feet of Dr. James Dobson and the hosts of “Christian parenting experts” who followed in his footsteps. These people began with a belief in the importance of “spanking” as the primary (and often only) means of discipline and built up a religious scaffolding to support it. They relied on prooftexted verses, eisegesis, anecdotes, and prosperity-gospel promises that pressured parents into hitting their children.

The results of this are incalculable and, for many, carry life-long impact, damaged relationships, and longstanding regret and grief. But this is not something Christian spanking advocates are willing to reckon with. Doug himself belongs to a community where empathy is considered a sin, and in true form, he directly blames parents if these suggested methods don’t work out for them.¹

So where does Doug get his justification for “spanking”?² Elsewhere Doug indicates he was parented by such methods, recounting how his father relied on corporal punishment and taught him lessons “with a fist in front of my face.” Perhaps this is why Doug lands at “it just makes good sense.”

Because Doug believes the biblical authors *would have* agreed with him, he reasons backward to imagining that they would also agree with "mini rods for mini ppl."

This is, among other things, not acceptable exegesis.

Christian parents: if it all comes down to common sense, why not opt for yours? You, after all, will be the one giving account for the way in which you tended the children entrusted to your care .

Doug, too, will give his own accounting. He will.

But you are the one who will live with the consequences of the parenting methodology you choose. This is a difficult reckoning, but isn't it better to do it clear-eyed? Untethered to myths of “Good Christian Parenting"?

The only explicit instruction given to Christian parents in the New Testament is relatively simple and repeated twice for emphasis: as parents are bringing their children up in the instruction of the Lord, they are not to embitter or provoke them.³

Do not embitter or provoke your children—this is a biblical imperative . . . in fact, a direct command given to Christian parents. Outside of this, all the New Testament instructions about loving one’s neighbor, about restoring the one who sins gently, about showing all patience and forbearance—all of them of course apply to our littlest and newest neighbors. And, I’d argue, all of these New Testament guidelines rule out “spanking” as an option for Christian parents, both as a practice out of alignment with the life and teaching of Jesus and at odds with the direct instructions given to us as His followers.

Within those guidelines, there is so much freedom for the Christian parent:

Freedom to think critically, to evaluate the research that discusses impact, to learn about child development and brain science, to listen to the experiences of adult children who were raised with these methods, to respond to the unique personalities and needs of the children entrusted to their care—freedom to repent, attempt repair, and find an alternate path forward.

Christians, let’s be done with our community commitment to “spanking” small children.

There is so much freedom for the Christian parent. It’s up to us to claim it.

Find these posts here.

1. “Parents of unfaithful children excuse themselves by saying things like, ‘We did everything we could.’ No sinner ever has the right to say anything like this - no one of us has ever done everything he could. The claim is not only false, it is glaringly false. If the parents say, ‘This is all our fault,’ their friends hasten to comfort them by saying things like, ‘But this could happen to anyone. Don’t blame yourself like that.’ But the Scriptures teach a direct connection between how children are brought up and how they turn out. When God-fearing parents are confronted with a God-defying child, shame is an entirely appropriate response. When Christians encourage parents with a false comfort, the shame is NOT really removed. Parents who deny responsibility can never experience the RELIEF and JOY of forgivenes.s Parents who squandered the opportunity to bring their children up in the Lord will not have that opportunity again.” —Standing on the Promises, by: Doug Wilson

2. In the above clip I edited out a rabbit trail in which Doug advocates for caning juvenile delinquents. (I do edit these clips—not to be deceptive, but to stay on point. Doug has a tendency to meander, and my goal is to spotlight very specific points, but these clips are all accessible in the multi-part series of parenting talks on Canon Press’ Youtube channel).

3. Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21